Living in a culturally challenging world, it is difficult to challenge the privileged narrative of entitlement that we have experienced and enjoyed. Most parents might have noticed that when their child or a child in their family is given a gift or a return gift at a party, parents often have to remind them in front of everyone, ‘so, what do we say in return?’. In return, the child murmurs an inaudible or soft or embarrassed ‘thank you for the gift’. You might feel cringed at your toddler’s not-so-enthusiastic display of gratitude, however, know that you can still teach them to be grateful in their thoughts.

We want to raise kids that are appreciative and thankful of the world and the little things around them. It is important to teach young children to be thankful for things, that is the proper way so they choose not to take things and people for granted. When see an elderly relative handing your child a single candy and instead of thanking them or displayed gratitude, the kid throws a tantrum “I don’t like this candy, give me the fruit one, and give me more.” That is when parents feel annoyed or even concerned that their child isn’t being appreciative.

As parents & educators, the first social rule we need to begin with is to teach kids the value of being grateful, counting their blessings, and understanding how privileged and fortunate they are. It is important to teach them that being grateful and at the same time, not blame themselves for the bratty toddler behavior. Teaching gratitude to kids is as essential as teaching them to read and write. However, it is beyond a rule or a parental expectation from their child. Teaching your toddler to be grateful and display that gratitude is a time-consuming process, and they are likely to not actually start showing grateful behavior consistency until they grow up a little more. Toddlers do not have the cognitive development or maturity to comprehend and absorb the genuine nature of the gratitude attitude.

Toddlers Are Pre-Grateful

Accept a child’s developmental pace and know that you are showing them the ways of life. The development of gratitude in people is a will, an internal will that goes beyond you becoming enraged with your toddler’s conduct and rude demands. It is important that you be a shock absorber and be a role model at the same time. In heavy situations, take a deep breath, and remind yourselves that your child is learning to be grateful people, they are pre-grateful.

Gratitude is a difficult value to instill in toddlers as it runs deeper and they literally do not have brain structures to understand it. Young children are self-focused, self-centered, and are motivated to get their desires met. When we read this, we realise that this is what we would want them to do as adults, with the social maturity to handle and then accept the “developmentally appropriate expectations” parents have as children grow up.

Teaching kids to value little things in life, helping them find happiness in what they do, and above all being thankful to all those who make their life comfortable and congenial, are a few things we need to sensitize kids with. Parents often wonder, how? How do we teach kids to actually be grateful?

Young children have a limited perspective on the world around them, and adults or older siblings become a base for them to model their actions on. On an everyday basis, we need to appropriately teach kids the difference between our ‘needs’ and ‘wants’ so they can reflect upon what things are essentials and what are add-ons to be grateful for. In continuation, we need to teach kids about ‘choice’. The decisions we make, small and large, are inching us a step closer to something we need or want. The idea is for children to learn that our choices guide and direct our life.

Grace & Gratitude

The best way to teach kids to be grateful is through modeling. Watching you live, they will learn quicker and better. As a part of your bedtime routine with them, share various moments in the day when you felt grateful about something or someone. Keep in mind, the size of good fortune doesn’t matter. You can be grateful for something as little as a refreshing cup of coffee, a glorious sunrise, a cozy comfortable bed to snuggle in, or even a glass of clean water; the list is endless.

At the end of the day, they should be encouraged to reflect on their day. Ask them to list five things they have experienced during the day which made them feel grateful. The gratitude list shall be of good things that happened during the day, but the list should also include possible good things that could have come out of something bad that has occurred during the day. The idea is to teach them to reflect on their actions and their attitude. It is essential that they make self-reflection a part of their daily living ritual.

As a part of support and acceptance, parents (and families) must welcome all emotions. Children are often unsure about how they are feeling, and understanding emotions is an important step part of being grateful. All emotions are natural and healthy (anger, sadness, disappointment, embarrassment, upset, and the list goes on and on), and feeling a certain way due to any factor can be tricky. Parents must model and accept all emotions i.e. its okay to feel all emotions.

Families can create gratitude rituals together. It is critical that gratitude becomes a part of your family day, as a tangible value to be learnt and experienced. While it is positive to feel grateful, it is also essential that parents and kids voice their gratitude. A ritual allows for a daily engagement such as sharing a positive part of your day before eating dinner. Simply saying “thank you for the food!” is a way of being truly grateful. You could jot down notes as a family everyday and read it out loud at the end of the week.

Kids are already filled with greatness. We just need to help them recognize it and draw it out. Being grateful will help the kids grow and expand. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It is an antidote to negative emotions; it turns confusion to clarity, chaos to order, denial into acceptance, and above all a stranger into a friend.

Learning to be grateful can improve kids’ relationships, ability to empathize with others, and overall happiness. We must encourage them to begin with simple words of gratitude like: ‘thank you for the water’, ‘sorry for the boo-boo’, ‘how wonderful is that sunset’, ‘I really appreciate your help with the colors’, ‘it was so kind of you to help me up the stairs’ and be assured kids will continue to add many more to the list! Even when they are reading stories, look for gratitude actions.

Mark this summer for a gratitude scavenger hunt with your kids, a hunt for experiences, and simple things from a walk in the park or feed the pigeons.

Or

Create a month-long family gratitude challenge or checklist, where you pre-decide a task with your children: name a food item you love and make it together, do a chore for a loved one, children and father cook for mom to show appreciation, or just watch the sunset together.