The two elemental parameters for independent, individualistic children….

Several parameters exist that put us into deep thoughts and make us question ourselves. Self-reflection is a good way of processing and analyzing things, as it enables us to think broadly and widen our horizons. As parents, the balancing act between creating boundaries and encouraging independence is a delicate act. Parents have several thoughts and they constantly retrospect on them. We might ask ourselves whether we are too controlling towards our children or are we giving them unlimited freedom? Both extremes are a hindrance to a child’s healthy growth. Theoretically, we know that balance is the key to maintaining healthy relationships, even our body strives for homeostasis consistently. It doesn’t take long for the nature of the parent-child relationship to turn into an authoritative one, hence we need to question ourselves: “Do we own our kids, and should we control them?”

“If your mind is still open enough to question what you’re seeing, you tend to look at the world with great care, and out of that watchfulness comes the possibility of seeing something that no one else has seen before. You have to be willing to admit that you don’t have all the answers. If you think you do, you will never have anything important to say!”

– Paul Auster, True Tales of American Life

When do we need to begin to work on these boundaries? Children begin becoming independent as early as they begin to move without help. It is a paradox throughout a parent’s life, across all decisions. Perhaps the approach of parents must be to love their children, encourage them and appreciate them for who they are. Parents must be a pillar of support and a dynamic guiding force who help children strengthen their wings and fly, and at the same time instill in them values and principles that train them to be rooted. To raise strong children, who are self-assured and tenacious, and who meet challenges with complete confidence.

The key is in creating boundaries and allowing freedom of exploration between the broad set of boundaries or set limits. This ideology inculcates a feeling of belongingness in kids towards their family and develops deep-rooted emotions in them like trust, faith, and assurance which plays a direct impact upon building their personality and thinking pattern in the long run. Growing children and their developing personalities require a parachute. These child parachutes are their parents who allow them to fall freely and provide a soft landing cushion. The support, faith, and trust give children the space to explore a little further before it is time to deploy the parachute again. Children need to learn to maneuver the environment themselves, and parental expectations go as far as their attention and focused effort do. Children need to know that they depend on you.

Roots create the path for children to develop wings and make them stronger. The idea is to make them feel confident to explore the environment around them and soar high, allowing them to dream to explore the world.
Roots, unseen yet the most stable part of a tree. The only way for it to grow tall, and strong, is when it has deep and stable roots. In case of adversities, the tree that is seen might get damaged, however, its ability to grow back into its lush self again, needs strong roots. That is what parents are to children, the invisible, ever present being, who make children resilient to meet the challenges in life. Roots act are base for attachment, when the child’s basic needs are met, they learn to go beyond and value themselves, forming secure attachments and live like the little independent miracles.

Parents must be nurturing their kids in a protective environment, in a way that they are always kept close to their values which are their roots, yet are not bound or impeded from developing into a person with their ideas, dreams, and behavior. Overprotective parents tend to inhibit the child’s development and more importantly their learning autonomy. The major learning for all of us from this is not to provide structured play activities to children all the time while providing them with open space to experiment, explore and create their learning environment. We, together are what is needed for children to grow into responsible, balanced, productive, happy, and thoughtful adults.

Roots vs Wings: ‘knowledge of their inner values’ vs ‘their dream and desire to fly and achieve.’